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Posts Tagged ‘life’

last night i saw paul mccartney in concert…for the first time ever.   best concert i’ve EVER seen by far.

as i have said before, seeing paul mccarntey in concert has been a life long dream for me…a dream that i really didn’t think would ever happen.  like many things in my life that  i wanted so badly, it always seemed out of my reach.  that kind of happiness seemed meant for others for most of my life.   but i don’t believe that anymore and haven’t for a while…and that has made all the difference.

i have been thinking for a while how i could possibly put into words what his music and seeing him in concert means to me.  how do i put into words how he makes us feel?  what he has meant to so many of us our whole lives?  how, as many have said before, his music and the beatles music has been the soundtrack of our lives?

well, last night when he was singing, it came to me.  over and over again i just kept hearing the same phrase in my head…”he is the best of us”.  i don’t mean i think he is better then us…i surely don’t.  but he is the best of us.  he shows us what we are capable of.  for whatever reason, he was a conduit for the magic and truth that were the beatles.  i don’t mean to take away from his indescribable personal talents.  those are his…but the magic…that is ours…that is for all of us.  they just were willing to be a conduit for it and share it with us.

i have heard him talk about that magic.  i have heard him talk about what the music means to “us”…and i have never heard him down play it.  i think this has led some people to think he is full of himself over the years.  he certainly doesn’t seem full of himself to me.  he seems to know and honor what happened…what came through him, who he is to us…and for that, i’m very grateful.  how dismissive it would feel to hear him not honor the music of our lives or say “oh, it’s not that big of a deal” because whether you’re a beatle fan or not, it is certainly a big deal.

as i watched him last night, i felt like he was my elder…and well, he is technically…but i’m talking about more like family.  he has been there with us through so much.  sometimes leading the way with his words…giving us the words we couldn’t give ourselves…to name what is in all of us…what we strive for…hope, love, peace.

the whole concert last night felt like my life flashing before my eyes…and seeing it all in perspective.  and paul, well he was the guide…and i was thankful to have had him along the way.  not telling me which way to go necessarily, but putting words to it all.  he seems happy, light, peaceful.  he seemed joyful being able to still be a conduit for it all for us.  i felt like we had all gone through a long, sometimes painful ride together and had come out ok.  i felt like he was there saying “well that was really tough at times huh?  but we all made it here…now let’s celebrate what is still important together.”

he played so many unbelievable songs (almost 3 hours worth) and so many of them were so very important to me (pretty much all of them)…symbolizing different parts of my life, different experiences i’ve had.

when he played “the long and winding road” i sobbed, thinking about loss…remembering hearing that song on the radio years ago.  i had woken up at 2:00 am for some reason, turned on the radio and it was playing.  i listened to it and when it was over they said, as they had been all night, that john lennon died.  it was the first time i heard the news.  it was only a few months after my best friend ingrid died.  i remembered, at that age, feeling like the world was such a horrible place…so hopeless.  when he played “all my loving” i remembered being a young child listening to my beatles albums over and over again crying, yearning for something i needed but didn’t have in my life.  when he sang “maybe i’m amazed” someone near us proposed to their girlfriend and she accepted…the crowd around us cheered for them…it reminded me of when my husband proposed to me and new love…how wonderful it is…and how wonderful old love is too.   when he played “eleanor rigby” i remembered listening to that song in college and sharing my love of the beatles and music with other people who felt the same…how music can connect us so strongly.   when he sang “give peace a chance” i remembered what it feels like to believe in something even though some others might say it will never happen…and how i still believe.    when he sang “let it be” i remembered all the times in my life i’ve needed that message and how grateful i was to have gotten it.   when he sang “yesterday” i remembered singing it with my friend ingrid, days before she died, on her front lawn…two silly 12 year old girls singing at the top of our lungs laying in the grass and how after she died the words to that song would forever have a whole new meaning to me.    when he sang “hey jude” i thought about the impact that one person’s words can make when you really need them…i remembered the times in my life that a few words from someone who cared had made all the difference.   when he sang “live and let die” i remembered thinking…and probably yelling…”fuck yeah!”..how fun life can be…all the times i danced no matter who else was, laughed my very loud laugh no matter how many people always turn to look and experienced all the joy and fun there was to be had…no matter what.  when he sang “golden slumbers” i remembered being more alone then i can imagine a person feeling when i was a teen..walking in the street alone in the middle of the night having no where to go and no one to go to…completely alone in the world, not knowing how to care for myself, but having no other options.  i remembered singing that song to myself at that time in my life…i remembered the pain.   and when he sang “the end” i saw it all…all of it…the whole of my life up until this point.  i remembered thinking when i was younger that it had to be true, those words…that the love you take is equal to the love you make.  that things had to get better…that if i just kept trying and kept going…everything would be ok.  and as he sang that last night…i felt overwhelming joy and peace knowing that it really really is true.  and so grateful to him for reminding us…for being here all these years to tell us that…for his words which will live on forever…never letting any of us forget.

he is the best of us…

if you ever get the chance to see him…do it.

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