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Posts Tagged ‘self worth’

if you are reading this, i want you to know that you are enough…right now…just as you are.   who you are, who you really are inside, is good.  we, as humans, can “do” “bad” things…we can certainly make “bad” choices at times…but that is just our behavior…that is not who we are.  i am not saying that everything anyone does is “ok”…or that there should be no consequences for actions…i believe in consequences…i believe in staying away from people who choose to behave in ways contrary to what i believe in or in ways that would hurt me.  none of that has to do with our innate worth as human beings.  you are worthy and good just because you exist.  i really believe that to be true.  imagine how you would feel if you believed it too?

someone else who believes that is dr. brene brown.  i wanted to pass on this video of one of her talks.  i think it is brilliant and important.  i hope you take the time to watch the whole thing, but in case you don’t, i have paraphrased some of what she said so you can read it.

dr. brown is a researcher, professor and author.  she began researching connection because “connection is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives…neurologically…that’s how we’re wired…it’s why we’re here…”

in her research she started to see that there were two groups of people…one who had a strong sense of belonging and those who struggle for it…”there was only one variable that separated people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and those who don’t….the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging…that’s it…they believe they’re worthy…the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection…”

she found that people who have a deep sense of worthiness have these things in common:

-a sense of courage…to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart…they had the courage to be imperfect…

-they had compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others…

-they had connection…as a result of authenticity…they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to be who they were…you have to do that for connection…

-they fully embraced vulnerability…they believed that what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful…they didn’t talk about it being comfortable or excruciating…just necessary…the willingness to say i love you first…the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees…the willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.  they thought this was fundamental.

she learned we numb vulnerability…and the problem is you cannot selectively numb emotion…you can’t say…here’s the bad stuff…here’s vulnerability, here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment…i don’t want to feel these…you can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other emotions…you cannot selectively numb…so when we numb those, we numb joy, gratitude, happiness…and then we are miserable and looking for purpose and meaning and it becomes this dangerous cycle…

another thing we do is try to make everything that is uncertain, certain…religion, politics…there is no discourse or discussion anymore…just blame…

and we perfect, most dangerously, our children…our job isn’t to keep them perfect…our job is to look at them and say “you’re imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging…”

“but there’s another way…and this is what i’ve found…

to let ourselves be seen…deeply seen..vulnerably seen…to love with our whole hearts even though there’s no guarantee…to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror when we are wondering can i love you this much? can i believe in this as passionately?  can i be this fierce about this?  just to be able to stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen to say…i’m just so grateful because to feel this vulnerable means that i am alive…and the last, which is probalby the most important is…

to believe that we are enough…”

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