i lived in san diego briefly about 25 years ago. while i was there, i started attending the local community college. one of the classes i took was philosophy. i loved philosophy…still do. i love talking about ideas. and what made that class even better was the professor…professor banks. she was the kind of professor who really wanted to discuss…she didn’t seem too concerned with tests or grades. she wanted us to examine our ideas and share them…she encouraged us to question everything. i really loved her class.
i never finished that class, or any of the other ones i was taking back then. i had not dealt with the traumas of my past and the pain started to really affect me. i decided i should move back to chicago, where i knew more people…where i felt i had more support. i remember being so disappointed in myself…so disappointed i couldn’t stay. i talked to professor banks about it and said my goodbyes. she asked me if i wanted to give her my address so she could send me the papers i had written. she hadn’t graded them yet. i remember being kind of surprised. thinking back on it now, i think i was surprised that she valued them…she valued my ideas…she valued me. i gladly gave her my address and moved back home.
a month or so later i got a package in the mail from her. i had forgotten all about those papers and here they were. she had read them all and written comments to me…even though i wasn’t going to finish her class. another professor might have thought it didn’t matter anymore…why waste the time? but she knew it mattered. discussing my ideas with me mattered whether i was going to formally finish her class or not. in the package she also included a copy of the book the prophet by kahlil gibran. she bookmarked the page on self-knowledge and wrote this inside the front cover:
“For Mahra, a true “Lover of Wisdom”, Be ever faithful to yourself”
i remember how it felt to get that from her. i felt seen. i felt like she had seen in me what i could not see…my light. she believed in me even though i did not believe in myself. i never forgot that.
that book is probably the possession i treasure most. i treasure it because she gave it to me…and i treasure it because of the truth it contains for me. it spoke to me when i first read it all those years ago…and it speaks to me even louder now. and whenever i read it, i think of professor banks and feel grateful that she saw me and felt it important enough to send it.
i thought of her today while i was cutting the grass. i have no idea why. i thought i would contact her and send her my blog address. i got excited by this idea. i would love to discuss ideas with her again. so i called the college to try to contact her. they told me she died 6 years ago. then i remembered the letter she sent me in 2001. i had written her to thank her for the book…to tell her i have kept it all these years and how important it was to me. i told her about my life and how i had healed so much. she wrote me back a beautiful letter. i have always cherished it. you can click here to read the entire letter. in it she said:
“Mahra, I certainly do remember you and have thought of you often over the years. There was never any doubt in my mind that you would go on to successfully complete your formal education. What was more important to me was that you understood that true education is about embracing yourself and the formal aspect helps to shape and enhance what life is teaching you. Education is a life long journey. We go on integrating both the formal and the informal and delighting in the outcomes. It’s never easy, and it hurts at times, as you and I well know, but it’s so worth it isn’t it.”
“I, too, couldn’t get enough of all there was to learn. So, m’dear, it would appear that we are kindred spirits. What a delight! Pass it on! First to Quincy and your husband and then to the next young man or woman you encounter in whom you recognize that hunger for wisdom and truth. It did not begin with Gibran and will not end with you and I. We are all linked in this journey and it all began a “zillion” years ago deep in the human heart that recognized that we are so much more than we seem to be at any given moment. I know you understand this and it fills my heart with joy. The joy is based on the fact that the years go rushing by and class after class pass through my care and I look to you and students like you who “get it” to continue passing on the “light” that illuminates the dark recesses of indifference and a willingness to settle only for mediocrity that ends in hearts burdened with haunting dissatisfaction that infects everyone they encounter, especially the young.”
when the woman on the phone told me that she died, i started to feel regret. why hadn’t i kept in contact with her? what more could she have taught me? i wanted to talk to her more…i wanted to feel that connection…i wanted to tell her thank you again…i wanted to let her know what she meant to me. but as i read her letter today, i began to feel such peace. i learned what i needed to from her. i am lucky enough to have told her how i felt about her…she knows. the connection with her is still there…and always will be. and most importantly i am sharing my light with the world and others…just as she shared her light with me…and for that i’m so grateful.
What a sweet, comforting story, Mahra. Obviously it is really more than that, much more. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks so much for saying that Alisa. The idea that something I write or share is comforting to someone else really means a lot to me…thanks again for taking the time to tell me that.
I needed to read this today! It reminded me why I work in education… sometimes my words and actions really do influence my students, even though I don’t always know it. I had a rough day and this made me feel proud of the work I do! (not trying to make it all about me, but I know you’ll understand!)
It is all about you Mrs. Molawa! : ) You really do make a difference. I feel so lucky that I got to work next to you all those years ago. I learned so much from working with you…your compassion, your wisdom, your humor. You’re a rock star! I KNOW you are making a HUGE difference in the lives of the children you touch…I know this for sure. It’s hard with the population we worked with, you work with…working with them isn’t “hard”, as most people think, that’s a joy, but what is hard is that it’s not very evident we’ve made a difference because they are so wounded. But I know you make a huge difference in their hearts and minds…and they are the ones in most need of it, you know? You make me proud.
Thanks Mahra! Lots of love to you!
Thank you Mahra, for a lovely, heartfelt, and beautiful tribute to my mother. Mom passed far too soon, but her legacy lives on in the many lives she touched: family, friends, students….and myself. There is still a loss and a void that never quite go away and they have led me to some dark places and, thankfully, back. Your tribute is truly inspiring and I am a better person, a better son, for having seen it. I wish you much love, peace, serenity and happiness.
Ron, you are so very welcome. I am very glad you found my post and felt it a fitting “tribute” to your mother. That means so much to me. I am extremely touched by your words and will cherish them always, just as I have your mothers’ words. Thank you so much.
Mahra,
This Saturday August 27th is the anniversary of the passing of my mother. Your words come at a very appropriate time with a perfect message. My wife Jennifer and I are the proud parents of two wonderful and beautiful daughters Heather 16, and Rachel 11. So many times in the past I have longed for my mother and her wisdom (especially trying to raise 2 girls in this day and age). My mother was and still is the wisest person I have ever known. I miss her every second of every day but know that she lives with me and is always there to watch over my girls. School has started this week and I was able to share your message (and my mom’s) with them. It was tearful and joyful to hear her voice along with little phrases that are only hers (m’dere, zillion, get-it). Most of all the reminder that learning is a gift and we all have the ability to affect and touch people even long after we are gone.
Thank you,
David Jude Banks
Thank you for your comment David. I am honored that because of what I wrote, her words found you…truly honored. Thank you so much for your words…they mean so much to me.
Wow! I found your post by googling her name, Professor Banks. It did not come as a surprise to me that she had a profound impact in your life. She did the same to mine. I was about to write a speech of inspiration for one of my classes and immediately thought of her. She was my Humanitites professor in the late 90’s at Southwestern college. I’m sad to hear of her passing, but her legacy lives on in all of us. She touched and changed so many lives in a positive way, yours and mine are only two examples.
Hi Mahra, my name is Israel Alarid. I was also one of Prof Banks former students, Penelope always treated me like a son, I actually heard of her passing by her attorney, I received a phone call on a Saturday but unfortunately i was out of town. I came back on Sunday evening from my trip and noticed a phone call, that call was from her attorney. He mentioned to call back in which I did. When I called back he mentioned that she had passed and left me a massage to her attorney that she loved me I cried. I’ve lost the closest thing next to my mother. I’d really like to contact her family if there’s any way you may be able to help me I’ll be glad to give you my info so you may ask them if I may share with them how I felt about her mother. I still pray for her till this day, I even catch myself talking to her from time to time. if you can help, i’d truly appreciate it.
Israel did I ever contact you? I have not done anything with this blog in so long, I can’t remember. Sorry!
No i never had a response ftom you, but any info from her familu will be appreciated
Israel Alarid 619-252-9032
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I’m really sorry about that. I will send your phone number to her son.
No worries, ty much appreciated. I look forward to hearing from you or them. God bless.
Israel Alarid 619-252-9032
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I was just thinking about Professor Banks today. God, I miss her! I had no idea she passed away, and here so many years later she just pops into my head and back into my heart. I am so glad she touched so many people.